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I'm looking for help with my story.

Let me give you the details. A few years back I started to write a story which can be found here: Gallery   (read the descriptions, please.)
As you can see I've gotten better with my writing but, I'm still learning and I've decided to stop at the last part, because nearly a year ago I found out that it needed a proper beginning.
So, I've decided that the gallery link above is sort of like a beta version of my story. So, basically, I need help. Like critique, grammar or spelling check would help me further my writing allot. Please, help if you can. =)

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goliath18
Iceland
I only post my picture's(That I commissioned other artists to do.) Here and FA and no other site's.
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:iconalise-arts:
Alise-arts Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
Thanks for the :+fav: on Fanart Will Dancing - Keepers contest by Alise-arts :dance:
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:icondemon-angel1200:
Demon-Angel1200 Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! ^^ Have your cake and eat it too Party 
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:icongoliath18:
goliath18 Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2014
Thank you. =)
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:icondemon-angel1200:
Demon-Angel1200 Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Your welcome! ^-^
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:iconsablover99:
SabLover99 Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2014  Student Artist
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:icongoliath18:
goliath18 Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2014
Thank you so much! =D
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:iconhavoc777:
HAVOC777 Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2014
Happy B-Day!Airborne 
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:icongoliath18:
goliath18 Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2014
Thanks. =)
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:iconhavoc777:
HAVOC777 Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2014
You're welcome.Aww 
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:icontoamac:
toamac Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2014   Digital Artist
opps i mean happy birthday
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